16th November 2014: Sydney, Australia
The topic of rigidity is interesting. Often, I make comments about living a fairly rigid life, and in some ways it seems it is used to justify certain decisions made. From an outside perspective, a degree of rigidity in my life would seem like an essential component, should focus solely be placed on the expected prognosis for people who had the Cancer I had. I firmly don’t believe I will fall into this category, hence the limited space given to this subject matter in previous entries, however, I am curious as to whether a positive or negative correlation exists between placing greater emphasis on the expected prognosis for the many others in my situation.
Firstly, greater emphasis could help a motivation to remain rigid on the chosen lifestyle. On the other hand, it could also act as a self-fulfilling prophecy, maintaining a narrative of worry, and consequently write the very script for the possibility of death to be an awaiting future prospect. Alternatively, a view I feel a lot of people may have is that both points above is garbage, and regardless of whether the narrative I create for myself is about life and positivity or death and fear, ultimately it has little influence on whether the Cancer decides to rears it’s mutating and repulsive figure again!
Only time will provide answers for how much attention I place on rigidity in the future, and if the words ‘searching for explanations but simply feel unwell’ were a fleeting thought or an actual reflection of my views about the belief I have in the power of the created narrative that will keep me well, even if it involves unexamined side-effects.
