Journalling and accountability

11th November 2014: Sydney, Australia

It appears the effectiveness of journalling is once again showing it’s value. Imagine how frequent ideas are created, attracting your full attention for a period of time before they become just a memory at best. The journal, especially when setting myself targets ensures I remain focused, opposed to allowing an idea to drift into a past of what if! The journal also plays a key role in personal accountability. For instance, my monthly shot was taken yesterday, making it now 10 consecutive months whereby my physical recovery has been tracked. A rather simple task, and something that should be adhered to with no excuses, however, I doubt the capacity of remaining on task before writing a journal. Secondly, my Sunflower Framework! As mentioned, I am currently awaiting feedback, and have recognised a change in my ability to dedicate space and energy towards the project. Again, previously would this have been possible? Yes, the fact of having Cancer can assist the motivation, however, the journal keeps me motivated, stimulated and accountable to make the project a reality.

On reflection, a level of gratification could already be obtained by sharing the project with others, however, what meaning does that hold, or importantly what benefit is it to others with Cancer if it just a project of vanity? I am fortunate to have qualified people who can provide the constructive feedback needed to support me in reaching a certain standard with the project whereby it is able to operate in the community. I must note my acknowledgment of the project being a dream at this stage, however, how pleasing and satisfying would it be to start making dreams a reality.

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Why should life be about enduring rather than enjoyment?

10th November 2014: Sydney, Australia

An entry last week established a timeframe setting an intention to integrate a space for affirmations or breathing into my morning daily routine. It appears the aspect of physically positioning myself in such a way is the barrier needing to be overcome. I have identified that an acceptance of not choosing to complete the task results from the stiffness felt in my body upon first waking. Ultimately, meaning I am not achieving the outcome due to the necessary effort involved. Interesting, it contradicts my entire underlying approach to life since starting my plan to find a place for Cancer.

Often when talking about Cancer, I use the phrase ‘what it brought to me’ in an attempt to reframe common conceptions about the experience. My outlook towards Cancer is to view it in terms of what is can provide, opposed to what can be taken away. It was developed in the initial post-surgery phase to combat a sense of me believing in ‘enduring’ pain or discomfort as a means of progression. The roots of this belief commenced whist lying in the hospital bed recovering from the surgery, and later it was applied in many areas of my life, including swimming in a pool. For example, I was wanting to stop swimming, however, thoughts about enduring the discomfort of the process kept me swimming more laps than desired. Consequently, a level of risk to my health could have resulted from this belief. At present, I am attempting to shift this belief about enduring to simply living my life. The reasoning derives from a belief in the need for a healthy mindset, and the connotations associated with a life of enduring do not equate to a healthy mindset.