The many hats a Cancer can wear, especially one completely self-difected

9th November 2014: Sydney Australia

A very individualistic view of my circumstances has been portrayed within the entries thus far. The very point of of this fails to give sufficient attention to the widespread impact of Cancer on family, friends and loved ones. Admittedly, the concept of the journal was to consist of reflections, combined with personal accounts and general observations. It just seems imperative to also reflect in a selfless manner, placing those close to me at the focal point of particular entries. I do acknowledge the account is from my own perspective. Therefore, it will be jaded, and likely to not accurately capture the thoughts and experiences should my family, girlfriend and close friends be writing. Alternate entries from others may be an area explored in the future. At this stage though, a personal account seems like the best way to proceed, especially with no real idea of what the aims of the journal consist of.

I am confident previous entires have focused on the impact Cancer has on several people simultaneously, and today numerous points reinforced the potential collateral damage should the situation steer off the intended course, i.e, a reoccurrence or regression. The very matter of how it impacts others has recently been at the forefront of my thinking. Hence, the reasoning for making arrangements with my mum to undertake research on carer support options plus the request for my girlfriend to go speak with counsellor to express her feelings.

The two separate incidents today related to experiences with my mum and girlfriend. Firstly, the worried look on my mums face when learning of the prospect of me not having medication for tomorrow and an account told by my girlfriend about a discussion she had earlier that forced her to explain the reasons for us living on other sides from one another. Both incidents, albeit minor compared to past occasions touched a nerve, and as noted has kicked my mind into overdrive about the shared journey of cancer. In addition, it brought to surface the thought of loss, and when thinking about how loss would impact me, I can only describe it as waking alone through an empty cemetery, overwhelmed by complete sadness.

It seems easy to become self-indulgent, and consequently leads to a failure in my receptiveness to others around me. I think the timing of this very entry shows how distant I actually am from the experiences of others, and reinforces the need to adopt a more understanding outlook to others. Furthermore, the seeds of my selfishness may hide the unconditional feeling of gratitude and love for others around me. A point definitely needing to be rectified.