Judgement day

4th July 2015: Sydney, Australia

I am now aware of my immediate future. On Thursday, surgery will be undertaken to remove the Cancer regrown in the same spot (Adrenal Gland). In addition, a further procedure, called Microwave Ablation will follow a week later if all plans proceed as discussed. The second procedure is foreign to me, and will remain unknown as a means of coinciding with my approach of avoiding over information. I am not at all suggesting I am being naive and relinquishing all decision making in regards to my treatment. Instead, I have every confidence in the expertise of the surgeon, and the detailed conversation had about the range of options left my parents and I assured the right decision is being made. Another notable point in terms of planning is the outstanding decision to be made in relation to whether Radiotherapy will be pursued post surgery. The surgeon brought to my attention the possible permanent damage should Radiotherapy be used. The best way I can describe my understanding of the risks associated with the procedure would be to think of myself playing poker. In the game, I would not be holding a very good hand, however, would be going all in. The reference implies I am risking all my chances on one attempt when the odds are not even in my favour. I am conscious the decision may vary with further consultation and information to follow, however, currently it does not seem to be in my best interest. I am also unaware of what other alternative suggestions are being made. Therefore, am solely focused on getting through the two procedures before thinking about any other matters.

Medicinal Cannabis…..

14th May 2015: Sydney, Australia

Last year a friend introduced me to a documentary called, ‘Run from the Cure’. The story is follows a Canadian by the name of Rick Simpson who promotes the use of Cannabis oil for treating ailments, including Cancer. I currently do not have a stance about the matter, however, am increasingly seeing the area gain traction in all forms of mass media, and interestingly the NSW Sate Government of Australia has recently passed legislation in order to conduct trials.

I watched the documentary, and explored other material on the matter to become better informed about the option. The quarrel in using the oil stems from the limited research on the matter, a fear of whether side-effects would be experienced and the implications involved in using the oil. Namely, using the oil would suggest I see myself as unhealthy, and needing the oil to kill Cancer. Obviously, a belief I do not hold. Now, I can understand taking Chemotherapy is somewhat similar, and honestly when thinking about it, I am yet to come up with a strong argument for taking the Chemotherapy above the oil, particularly in my circumstances because there is no evidence to support the type of Chemotherapy I take. So unfortunately, I will need to leave it here for the moment and revisit the topic over the coming months.

Drugs

15 March 2015: Sydney, Australia

It has now been two days since my wisdom tooth was removed. I was amazed at the promptness of the process. Honestly, the entire procedure was completed in 20 minutes, however, the pain that was later felt acted as reminder of past experiences whilst also providing motivation to become well again. For the past two days, I have been in a bit of a medicated haze, particularly on Friday when the local Anaesthetic stopped working. I am not an advocate for taking excess drugs, however, I did not appropriately use pain relief when in hospital recovering last year, so this time opted to apply a different strategy to avoid enduring any unnecessary pain. Consequently, the combination of both Panadeine Forte and Endone sent me to bed with a towel necessary for the excess dribble coming out of mouth. An exact amount of medication consumed on Friday would total 18 tablets, including the regular Chemotherapy, additional Cortisol for recovery, a Valium pre-procedure for the needles, antibiotics x3, Panadeine Forte x3 plus Endone x2.

The excessive amount of tablets brought to surface thoughts about my place in the modern world, and the almost certainty of my death already being a reality without medical assistance. It also brought back memories of thoughts had when I saw my grandfather taking the massive amounts of daily tablets he consumed to remain alive. The contraction once again showing in my life is the very fact of my existence being dependent on the consumption of tablets. To conclude, it is the fist time in two days any sort of mental energy has been used, and consequently, the blue curtains called my eyes are starting to close. Therefore, I will hope to continue with this theme tomorrow.