A look at my dream from last night…

18th March 2015: Sydney, Australia

The direction today is completely off topic, basically sharing a dream from last night. Please bear in mind the facts, if dreams can be classified as such, may be a tad skewed due to the mental blocks appearing unrecoverable and lost to my conscious state of mind.

The recollection commences with me and another person sliding down an enlarged water slide, I know there is companion present, and this is where the haze has impacted the story because the face is not emerging into my consciousness. I think the key word is enlarged, so imagine a ridiculously big slide, comparable to something out of a Pixlar animation. The slide also resembles a boat sized craft, and it is storming along a path causing all sorts of havoc on the way. I have the feeling we were being chased, again, I am not sure about these details, however, one pivotal point was a calmness and joy experienced. Interestingly, the country of origin is appearing to be a certain nation with torture seemingly acceptable.

I did say a fluidity would be non-existent, and to fill in the gaps lets just say we have been caught. In addition, the two of us has now suddenly become three. One is strapped to a table about to be tortured, another is acting as translating helping to calm the tenseness rising in the room, and there I am confronted with a military man of South East Asian/Chinese descent who is evidently not impressed with our previous actions. The room is dark, most likely underground, and it appears I have deduced this from the water trickling from parts of the wall accompanied by a smell of dampness and humidity. Not very imaginative is it? So, my accomplice (makes it a it little more adventurous doesn’t it) is still strapped to a table with officers surrounding her. I am adjacent to the table (not sure why it is a her, not really the heroic type), situated in the middle of the uniformed man to my right, and my other accomplice is on my left. At this point, my attention shifts to the bowl of chips located on the corner of table closest to me. I recall a good sized portion of chips is within my hand, and most likely a handful of chips are already in my mouth. For some reason, the act of eating resulting in the uniformed man yelling at me for having more than one. It had only just come to me, however, I must be bi-lingual as I understand what is being yelled at me, and instead of following the instruction I clearly interpreted, I turner with a confused look to my other accomplice who appears to be a translator. My second accomplice, has a device to translate the language into English, and whilst pressing on keypad for a period of time, he produces a calculator with a bunch of numbers on them. At this stage, I have a mouth full of chips, look at my friend still strapped to the table who has not been harmed, and simply burst into hysterics. Unfortunately, I then woke up or forgot what followed, however, the humour and absurdity of the circumstances does bring a smile to my face. Therefore, I have been in a fairly jovial mood all day reminiscing at the collections of memory floating into my consciousness. I must say, I do hope my friend first accomplice was ok though 😄

How I thought this was all a joke till…..

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12th January 2015: Sydney

It was exactly a year ago when the above picture was taken of myself lying in a London hospital with a drip attached to my arm. The purpose of the pictures is evidently a sign of the seriousness seen in the admission to hospital as it wasn’t an alert about my well-being, rather an attempt of humouring a friend back in Australia.

The news of having a tumour was obviously a revelation, crippling my emotions, however, strangely some comfort was felt when tears unfamiliar to my face commenced pouring from my eyes. The significance of the photo is consistent with the continuing story to unfold in the time leading up to discovering I had Cancer, especially considering my attempts at discharging myself from the initial hospital due to the noise within the ward, and the fact of being locked out of the second hospital on the first night after meeting a friend for dinner. Also, the bizarre ambulance ride arranged to transport me to a specialist hospital adds a further dimension of uniqueness to my story. The ambulance ride entailed a nurse from my initial hospital using the driver and vehicle as a mode of transport to a different hospital to where I was needed to be delivered. Still not thinking about the seriousness of the circumstances facing me, I advised the ambulance driver I was happy to allow the nurse to accompany the journey. The circumstances almost lead to a crash, with the disbelief on the face of the ambulance driver an indicator of his shock when the nurse asked to be dropped at the hospital before my arrival at the other hospital. Admittedly, I shared the shock of the request, however, expressed my approval to the driver of agreeing to the request. I did say the circumstances were bizarre, and the second request lead to a chorus of shock from both the ambulance driver and I following the nurse asking us to either wait or to be collected from the hospital after she had finished dropping something to a colleague. No words were needed from me as the ambulance driver clearly advised the nurse a massive favour had already been completed, and she was in an ambulance, not a taxi catering to her needs.

Upon reflection the somewhat relaxed approach to certain circumstances with the inclusion of humour may have contributed to the position I am in today. Furthermore, the stories from above, particularly the odd inclusion of the nurse using the ambulance as a taxi bring a smile to my face at the journey faced over the past year. In saying this, I know the humour has not been shared by others around me, and the use of humour in appointments with medical staff when talking in a jovial manner about possibly cutting out some of my liver and where other incisions will be made were difficult for my mum to understand. Again, on reflection, further sensitivity to her needs should have been shown, however, the approach also demonstrated the self-belief in overcoming whatever was to be faced, and ultimately I feel this has placed those close around me in a position of greater confidence in my recovery. A position, important to me as it aligns with the emphasis placed on creating a positive narrative about myself and future situation.