Time to switch my thinking and preparation..

22nd April 2015: Sydney, Australia

Another photo was taken today to coincide with my plans to track my recovery in pictures. The shot highlights the need for an increase in sunshine, and the changing of seasons from summer into winter. I was surprised to see the vast difference in my skin colour across the months, and it seems a greater level of physical health correlates with exposure to sunshine. The photos from July and December support these claims. Another noticeable change is the reappearance of the slant within my posture. A correction in my body thought to be fixed.

Interestingly, I have almost been writing for a year, and have plans to review the entires whilst travelling solo. One point coming to my mind is the actual benefits obtained in writing, and being more specific, I would say whether the process of writing makes me think more negatively? For instance, I was not writing at the corresponding time last year before heading to the UK, and consequently, I doubt a comparable level of concern would have been experienced regarding my health, and how my body would respond whilst away. On reflection, factors need to be considered, namely, the increase of Mitotane being administered, the familiarity of London and the prospect of living with my girlfriend at the time. All points possibly explain the differences in my preparation, however, the point of concern and worry needs to be focused upon regarding my upcoming trip. In reality, it seems I am more inclined to write about potential mishaps, compared to the prospect of spending two months in the sun, surfing magical waves and visiting Ubud to emerge myself within yoga for a period of time. It seems these latter points need to be at the forefront of my thinking when having doubts, especially when considering the hypothesis posed in the first paragraph about a greater level of health appears to correlate with an increase in sunshine. To conclude, it appears the solution has surfaced. It is really simple, basically I just need to get my head in the right frame of mind, not be so dour about everything, and imagine the fun times to be had!

Does a degree of arrogance need to exist in my life?

6th January 2015: Sydney, Australia

I realised an underlying level of arrogance was evident in the first paragraph of my last entry, and am now starting to wonder if a level of arrogance and self-confidence is essential to approaching Cancer. I need to state that I am not at all advocating a diversion away from the other principles I promote. Rather, maybe starting to understand why people advise me a selfishness is needed within my life. Whether this has any impact on the actual outcome is definitely up for debate, however, regardless of the future awaiting me, wouldn’t the benefits of feeling positive about my circumstances outweigh negative thoughts, low self-esteem and doubt, particularly if my death was to eventuate at a premature stage?

The writing is all very doom and gloom, leading me back to question the correlation between my writing and later feelings? Therefore, I think a change is definitely needed in both my life and writing. I just hope the same attitude prevails when commecing to write next.