How to define me as an Australian?

26th September 2015: Sydney, Australia
A quote I have recently been able to connect with stated, “Australians are modern day Aztecs who worship the sun”. Admittedly, it is a fairly superficial and individualistic means of expressing my connection with my current of origin, however, it perfectly summarises the attraction to the powers of the sun. Furthermore, the specific focus shows some disconnection with mainstream attitudes and beliefs seemingly predominant within Australia. If refocusing on the sun, there is honestly a significant disparity in my overall outlook and energy when the sun is shining compared to consecutive days where it is cold, wet and dire. The pull towards direct sunlight makes me revise my thinking about this insatiable appetite, and I believe this desire stems from past readings about the proposed healing benefits of receiving natural Vitamin D.

The topic also leads to a questioning of whether living in London for almost four years influenced this longing for the sun. I definitely recall times when I missed the sun, however, the novelty of the experience, combined with the many cultural and social activities kept me occupied. The emerging point from a rather trivial topic is how my priorities have changed over the course of the past 20 months. Furthermore, the chain of thoughts leave me in a place doubtful about my capacity of adapting to such an environment again, even if that means loosing the opportunity of living in one of the most interesting and vibrant cities in the world. In conclusion, it is known that life does not exist without the sun, obviously I am stretching the application of this belief, however, my life seems to depend on the sun, ocean, family and friends. I life definitely wished to live for many years to come.

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Thoughts about the Management of Cancer

16th June 2015: Bali, Indonesia

Management of Cancer was a key point discussed at the last appointment with my doctor. The very concept has a direct connection to the reality of having Cancer for the rest of my life whilst placing speculation around the actual amount of more years ahead. If true, my focus needs to shift from an acceptance of the feelings associated when placed in a state of prolonged uncertainty to accepting a Cancer will remain inside me till I pass away. Undoubtedly, the question now looms as to whether I will accept this new reality. Well, it is simple. No fucking way!

I will not succumb to just accepting defeat. Instead, I will draw on all the learning from the first time, and ensure my capacity is at the optimum state to overcome the current predicament. I plan to use the content from the programme I designed to review a number of key areas in my life, including the way I communicate with medical staff. Most notably, I will now the focus on living, opposed to engrossing myself in research papers or becoming dragged down by statistics or percentages about my chance of survival. Lastly, a wide range of alternate avenues will be explored to promote my wellness. A whole other post will be required to give clarity on the latter remark.

Jessica Ainscough vs Bella Gibson

9th April, 2015: Sydney, Australia

Two extremely topical identities associated with Cancer and the area of wellness have recently been placed at the forefront of societies consciousness. A past entry expressed my feelings towards one of these individuals, Jessica Ainscough. The other individual, Bella Gibson, was last week deemed a successful entrepreneur for her endeavours in creating an app based upon her capacity of naturally fighting her Cancer. As a disclaimer, I must note her complete story is unknown, and the only information seemingly available indicates she fabricated her experiences of Cancer. Interestingly, the two individuals are being grouped together, and on a personal level, I find it completely unfair towards Jessica Ainscough.

Many people have made their views very clear about the decisions Jessica made within her life. Again, I must note, no contact had ever been made with her, and the basis for my writing results from a negatively shown towards her since passing away. At present, I believe a clear distinction needs to be made between Jessica, a person who opted to pursue an alternative approach to treating the Cancer within her body and Bella Gibson, who it seems has made financial successes out of her dishonesty. As mentioned in the very first paragraph, the topic will surely raise opposing opinions on the matter, and frankly, I am happy to put my thoughts forward, especially when taking the perspective of a person who had Cancer and now receives chemotherapy. The major difference between the two individuals can be highlighted by the facts of Jessica having Cancer, and it seemingly appears more evident that Bella did not. Therefore, I am astounded to see the inspiration provided to many by Jessica possibly being tarnished by making such comparisons. Furthermore, does her death need to correlate with statements alluding to deceit or a failure? It appears everyone is forgetting one very important fact relating to the scandalous story existing about Jesssica. Most notably, Cancer kills a lot of people around the world, including those who have followed all the information advised by medical professionals.

I am aware of the bias reflected in my writing, and regardless of the information reported on the decisions made by Jessica, it seems indisputable to suggest she did not inspire or give hope to many people. I recognise a major criticism directed at her was the strong position taken in advocating the Gerkin’s Diet, and consequently the number of vulnerable people she may have possibly influenced to follow her actions. Firstly, I am not qualified in this area, however, I guess a question we could all ask is whether she would be alive, and living the quality of life she wished if she decided to follow instructions all those years ago by amputating her arm in the hope the Cancer would not spread. On a person level, I must admit the thought of trialling an alternative therapy resonates significantly, especially if there are claims attached to the proposal increasing your survival.

I see her death can act in a way that continually influences people to seek a combination of sources to support each specific journey, and I have no idea whether Jessica would have agreed on this matter, however, her circumstances can be used to equip people about the challenges they are to face with their individual Cancer experiences. In addition, the amount of research currently directed towards the possible links between dietary and lifestyle factors associated with Cancer surely reinforces the messages promoted by Jessica. A major point, many people are willing to openly forget.

The narratives in my life..

15th December 20114: Sydney, Australia

I have been contemplating the correlation between the decision to pay so much attention to not feeling well and the prolonged period whereby I was actually feeling unwell. It seems two interchanging approaches are applied in my life. Firstly, the desired approach consisting of implementing mental exercises to harvest physical improvements in my life, and an overall narrative based around self improvement. In contrast, a varying focus exists, one specifically based on getting better whilst an ever present frustration looms at the thought of being unwell. Therefore, when dissecting the differences, the latter approach seems to only cement a state of stress combined with the physical components of feeling unwell whilst the former, provides motivation to improve in all areas of my life. The task is to recognise my outlook may shift according to my circumstances, however, my overall narrative must not diverge from progression to a debilitating incapacity.

My personal remedy to overcome the flu while avoiding anti-biotics…

6th December 2014: Sydney

The very initial thought upon opening my eyes was the decision to cancel any prior arrangements. The same throat scratching at the back of my throat was sufficient information to know the battle had commenced. Sleep, rest and a healthy intake of nutrients were to be key. Thus, breakfast included berries, and varying seeds, i.e. Flax seeds and Chia seeds plus an Orange to boost my Vitamin C levels. A return to bed was made straight away. After another four hours sleep I woke up, heading to the beach for some sun and the attempt to cleanse my system in the salt water. I opted for a very spicy Thai vegetable and chicken stir fry for lunch before attempting some meditation. I say attempting as my mind felt so heavy, fleeting thoughts kept passing through my consciousness making it very difficult to arrive at a desired state. I decided to refer to my yoga book to undertaken a guided gentle routine, designed specifically to open my chest and sinuses. I then jumped in the bath before eating gourmet sausages with potatoe, kumura and carrot mash, with a side of raw kale and tomatoes.

I am now settling into a movie before having an early night, hoping that the sore throat passes when rising tomorrow. Finally, just to mention, I am aware ample other options could have been included into my day, however, for some reason, the tasks noted above were obviously the ones with most priority for me, and consequently hopefully result in an earlier return to normal health.

Can I find the secret to healing myself from the flu???

4th December 2014: Sydney

I had a feeling of coming down with an overwhelming feeling of fatigue, and now it appears with the feelings continuing that a flu is approaching. It seems strange to be coming down with a flu at this time of year, especially with the recent weather ravishing the city. Due to such feelings, heightened by an absolute loathing of the flu, I tried to shape my day in a way, enabling my body to recover in the fastest amount of time. Regardless of whether it is just today, continues tomorrow or even spans over a period of time, it will be useful to track my day in the attempt to discover a formula to assist my body recover in the future. Undoubtedly, there will never be any certainty to discover if any of the points help my body to heal, however, if successful, then it may be used as a guide to hopefully limit future periods when not feeling well.

Why did I think I was born in Krypton?????

26th November 2014: Sydney, Australia

I went to bed feeling nauseous, and eventually reflected on past feelings, particularly a moment leading up to being placed on Chemotherapy. I recall progress in terms of my physical recovery from the operation was being incorporated into my daily life and I was starting to feel relatively normal again. It was always known that the date for commencing my mediation was approaching. Prior conversations with my doctor had established a timetable for a starting date, before the dosage levels would increase. At the time, I was rather naive, wishing to skip the gradual increments and take on a full dose from the very beginning. The mindset seems to link back to the former self-belief built upon a story of enduring hardship/pain. Since then, this system of belief has been challenged, evolving into a narrative based upon love, an appreciation for life, strength and progress. Overall, it appears interesting to consider my feelings of indestructibility, compared to how fragile now can be.