Why I travel…

19th June 2015: Bali, Indonesia

Yesterday, a moment occurred that will be forever remembered. The location of the moment was at a surfspot I have recently being surfing. The waves at the place break over shallow, sharp reef, and yesterday the size of surf significantly increased. A complexity is associated with the place due to the fear associated with falling into the sharp reef. I should note at this point a pivotal factor coming to surface on reflection. I have had the mentality throughout the trip of solely wanting things from the ocean. The entry will hopefully portray the understanding learned from the experience whilst also showing an overwhelming respect to the ocean.

So, a friend and I were intending on surfing together. Upon arriving at the place we saw the actual size of the larger waves running down the reef. It was an extremely low tide so we had to walk approximately 100 meters on the reef before attempting to challenge the ocean. My fried successfully managed to make his way out to the waves whilst I remained stuck on the reef throwing my board into the sky attempting to litigate the potential risks of the oncoming balls of fury breaking directly in front of me. Three consecutive waves rolled me along the reef, resulting in my sensing a message was being delivered about an imminent dangers should I continue. There definitely would have been a time when I would have reflected on this experience as a moment of weakness, however, my acceptance and submission lead me to respect the ocean whilst also allowing other opportunities to surface.

The outcomes of being rolled along the reef by three waves resulted in me drifting approximately 150 around the cliff. I noticed a patch of sand was exposed by the low tide forming a little bay, and I felt an overwhelming connection with the world around me. It seemed my fate was to submit to the ocean. Therefore, I decided to turn around to commence the journey back to the shore. Whilst paddling, I felt drawn to the exposed bay, and again felt I needed to follow my instincts. Once standing on the bay, I rested my board in some shade, and completed a powerful and emotive yoga session. I was surprised at how deep into the practice I became, and felt the three waves served the purpose of getting me to find strength in accepting my defeat. I fully acknowledge the criticism by some at the content, however, I can honestly say it is an accurate account of what I was experiencing at the time, and still believe the events are to hold some meaning in my life.

Time to switch my thinking and preparation..

22nd April 2015: Sydney, Australia

Another photo was taken today to coincide with my plans to track my recovery in pictures. The shot highlights the need for an increase in sunshine, and the changing of seasons from summer into winter. I was surprised to see the vast difference in my skin colour across the months, and it seems a greater level of physical health correlates with exposure to sunshine. The photos from July and December support these claims. Another noticeable change is the reappearance of the slant within my posture. A correction in my body thought to be fixed.

Interestingly, I have almost been writing for a year, and have plans to review the entires whilst travelling solo. One point coming to my mind is the actual benefits obtained in writing, and being more specific, I would say whether the process of writing makes me think more negatively? For instance, I was not writing at the corresponding time last year before heading to the UK, and consequently, I doubt a comparable level of concern would have been experienced regarding my health, and how my body would respond whilst away. On reflection, factors need to be considered, namely, the increase of Mitotane being administered, the familiarity of London and the prospect of living with my girlfriend at the time. All points possibly explain the differences in my preparation, however, the point of concern and worry needs to be focused upon regarding my upcoming trip. In reality, it seems I am more inclined to write about potential mishaps, compared to the prospect of spending two months in the sun, surfing magical waves and visiting Ubud to emerge myself within yoga for a period of time. It seems these latter points need to be at the forefront of my thinking when having doubts, especially when considering the hypothesis posed in the first paragraph about a greater level of health appears to correlate with an increase in sunshine. To conclude, it appears the solution has surfaced. It is really simple, basically I just need to get my head in the right frame of mind, not be so dour about everything, and imagine the fun times to be had!

Why is my writing so saturated in negativity?

29th January 2014: Sydney Australia

From the very beginning of this entry, an underlying theme of positivity should be splattered for all to see. The reasoning stems from the confirmation received reinforcing the belief already held about my health and well-being. In addition, I was advised my doctor could not see my overall prognosis in a situation better than my current presentation, especially when a year ago I was sitting in the very same seat with any number of negative outcomes very probable. Therefore, one would expect an overwhelming sense of relief to be almost bleeding from the entry. Instead, I write with a scorn and grimace plastered across my face.

Firstly, I had a very poor start to the morning resulting from a terrible night sleep. Secondly, the weather has been awful, another driving factor wanting me to get out of here once the temperature drops on a permanent basis. Thirdly, an argument over messages was had with my girlfriend. An event I must add is seemingly occurring too frequently, and finally, I am currently writing with my knee resting in an elevated position wrapped in ice. Above any of the previously mentioned, the latter point is the root cause of the horrid mood pulsating throughout my body. I am hoping nothing serious has occurred, and do believe I am placing over emphasis on the matter, however, the reality of the an outcome should I have damaged my knee is currently unbearable. Tears almost started draining from my eyes as I was washing around the water after my knee gave way whilst riding a wave this morning. A massive crack caused alarm bells to ring in my mind, and immediately, I became worried. I started repeating positive affirmations to settle my thoughts, and once arrived on the shore was able to do complete some simple exercises so am simply using the ice as a precaution. I did have a battle in my mind for a moment about fitting in some yoga, however, reason prevailed, and I will be resting for the day. In all honesty, I am tempted to take some pain medication to just switch off from everything for a while, however, my mind has returned to the topic previously discussed about isolation versus solitude, and in this case it would be a clear example of isolating myself. Therefore, reason has once more prevailed, and I am able to identify the thinking pattern is destructive, leading me stay away from self medicating and instead opt to read, complete some meditation and sleep naturally.