28th October 2015: Byron Bay, New South Wales, Australia
Ill symptoms recently experienced have questioned my overall existence, and I descended into a place not frequently visited. Admittedly, the place is dark, and it is where I entertain destructive thoughts about my my life. It wasn’t till hearing a quote just moments ago that enabled me to block the destructive thoughts and instead focus completely on my long, loving life awaiting me. For those still reading, I encourage you to not see me attaching to anything to give me hope, but alternatively question whether something greater is supporting me throughout this process. It may sound weird at first, and again possibly another juncture for some to stop reading at, however, it seems the quote was heard at the very right moment to refuel my defence system.
Upon dissecting the events, an observer could simply say it was a case of listening to lyrics in a song whilst driving home. Again, I encourage those to not think of coincidences, and instead consider all the minute details forming at the exact moment to make me open to connecting with the lyrics of the song. Honestly, it has had a significant impact and will form the basis of a mental exercise to be completed to support my thinking.
The quote is “they say the darkest hour is before dawn”.
2nd June 2015: Bali, Indonesia
I am settled into my trip, and oddly there has been a level of ease at putting aside the future awaiting me. I feel a combination between the sunshine, good friends, laughter, activity and the mental exercises completed made this process possible. In all honesty, I have switched my focus from fighting to simply not remaining stuck on thinking about the situation. I still hold a strong belief of being well, and am hoping as stated previously that I am wanting a miracle to occur. If the miracle doesn’t unfold, then it may not be the immediate future, however, I am certain my future destiny is positive.
One of the main points about heading overseas was described perfectly to my friend yesterday. To paint a picture, we had just had a really enjoyable surf and were riding tandem on a motorbike, looking over rice patties and other tropical flora. I then stated to my friend that holidays were essential and were like a spiritual recharge. When thinking about my words, I believe it to be true, and see it as a necessity in anyones life to get away at least once a year. I actually am unable to express how content I feel. Seems a fairly interesting statement to make when bearing in mind the circumstances around me, however, the fact of not experiencing any side-effects for some time whilst being engrossed in such a place leads me to think of the magical powers of spending time in a state of happiness. In addition, my current capacity to enjoy life makes me wonder whether the Mitotane (chemotherapy) is now targeting the intended area. Of course this is all hypothetical, however, I am hopeful it now executes the intended function of killing off the tumour. Add in my surroundings and peace of mind, and hopefully there are positive results awaiting me on my return to Australia.