1st October 2014: Sydney, Australia
The flu symptoms are still continuing to have a firm grip on my mind and body. I can only describe it as what I imagine a forceful wrestling movement deployed by trained military personnel would feel like when being dragged into submission. My body is immobilised, throat gagged, mind numbed and aching from head to toe. Yes, a massive over-exaggeration, and simply just the common symptoms felt when struck by a cold. It is testing my will though, particularly as a churning in my stomach and a whisper of the fear lingers in my consciousness. The fear derives from thoughts about the likeness of the current bodily sensations compared to the period leading up to being placed in what I deem a modern age Bedlam.
Modern age Bedlam! Details won’t be disclosed about the location of the hospital nor will criticism follow, yet, the sharing of a ward with five other men, two of which who had dementia are just the beginnings of a picture built to portray the surroundings of the hospital I was first admitted to after last experiencing a sore throat, bodily aches and fatigue. It should be mentioned that a stabbing sharp pain in my stomach also was factoring into the decision to be hospitalised, and I recognise this is not present, however, an uncontrolled mind can entertain the possibility of certain signs holding much greater significance then just a cold or flu.
The certainty believed in knowing it is just the flu is an underlying feature of my Sunflower framework, particularly the focus on a clear and directed mindset. The question to be posed though would entail the degree of hypocrisy attached to only knowing I am ok when the MRI scheduled for next week produces these results. Is that not a contradiction to having a certainty built in my mindset? I had a feeling of invincibility when approaching my last scan, with a certainty of my body not under any attack, however, the flu and shoulder problems have both placed me in a position whereby I am looking forward to the MRI next week. A positive result will enable me in the future to have the knowledge to normalise certain circumstances whilst reinforcing the positive belief held that I will fall into the 30% of people who survive the type of Cancer previously inside me.