Time for a social/personal experiment..

14th January 2015: Sydney, Australia

The topic of isolation versus support could always raise interesting reactions regarding the feelings people have throughout varying periods within their lives. In keeping with the umbrella concept governing this series of entries, I suggest the topic is especially important for people who have experienced Cancer. I believe the importance stems from what I deem the secondary factors of Cancer. The factors representing the complete impact of Cancer, not only the illness, but more specifically attention on the consequences of the experience, factors such as ones future outlook, relationships, finance, employment, mental health, physical health, sexual activity, etc.

It seems I am regarding Cancer above other stressors or life events, however, should the matter of relativity not be raised as I think it is unfair to scale Cancer above mental health concerns, difficultly with child rearing, divorce or other stressors? If the previous statement does hold weight, then is not the whole first passage about secondary factors now invalid or would it be better to take a more wholesome approach to all matters, seeing the secondary factors attached to any concern an individual faces?

I have digressed from the main point of isolation versus support, and must say the thought of a quiet hut with limited people, good waves and real food seems so appealing, however, is not the support from family and friends plus my place of residence not the drawing card for me living here? I have mentioned many times the contradictions within my life, and the number of questions I have posed throughout this one entry would indicate a level of accuracy in that statement. The matter of isolation versus support derives from a wanting to have or to be somewhere else. If one option is not available, i.e. isolation then it becomes the point of interest, however, when reversed, does the longing for all the home comforts then not become the main point in the mind? Again I am left with a question needing an answer, and it seems the only way of resolving this theory is by actually testing it. Therefore, I have decided to await the outcomes of inquires in regards to my project, then I will opt to move for a short period of time to a small hut, with waves and real food to eat. It does seem rather naive and a little immature, and admittedly, it is the starting point of a plan that will surely expand as discussions needs to be made with my girlfriend for what the future holds.

A year on….

11th January 2015: Sydney

It will be a year tomorrow since I was admitted to hospital. It is a date of significance, and will be celebrated with my girlfriend and parents over some dinner. The year anniversary of my actual surgery will also be celebrated, with an intention to recognise this day throughout the many years in my life to follow. There is some irony in my girlfriend being present to join the celebration from the other side of world as this very time last year we had a minor argument, and consequently, the argument resulted into a week standoff, inclusive of the entire period of my initial admission whereby I did not tell her of my predicament. Obviously, it is much better to be enjoying the company of each other whilst importantly under better circumstances in terms of my health 😄

New Years Resolutions??????

1st January 2015: 2014
The New Year is usually associated with future projections and planning. The way I have framed questions this year has been in the context of, “what do you wish to achieve”. I believe the frame is more powerful than just asking about a resolution, a phrase that has been overused, with a somewhat acceptance of the ordinary being acceptable. Although the question is a topic of curiosity for me, personally I am unsure if I am able to conjure any further measurable outcomes for the year. It appears I am still stuck on my narrative of building strength, power, intelligence and evolving in every-way possible.

If the basis of my goals are to develop a narrative for my life, then the question surely needs to follow on from the previous paragraph, namely, how I will be able to measure success? Admittedly, a point I am yet to be able to answer. It seems prior to moving on, an explanation on my developed narrative seems essential. Simply, the collection of words are used like a mantra throughout varying times in the day to help in reaching my desired goal. It must be acknowledged that an ambiguity exists in executing the collation of words to bring my narrative to reality. It seems a missing link to resolving the ambiguity seems to result from a sole reliance on past experience, actions and behaviours. So, if my only reference point for future progress is dependent on past actions and behaviours, then how will I have the mental imagery required to cement a more enhanced sense of self? Furthermore, should I not be able to cement images in my mind then how will my body be able to perform such functions? Therefore, external inspiration is essential to providing motivation whilst expanding my awareness of the available possibilities to cement pathways to obtain my desired goals.

The narratives in my life..

15th December 20114: Sydney, Australia

I have been contemplating the correlation between the decision to pay so much attention to not feeling well and the prolonged period whereby I was actually feeling unwell. It seems two interchanging approaches are applied in my life. Firstly, the desired approach consisting of implementing mental exercises to harvest physical improvements in my life, and an overall narrative based around self improvement. In contrast, a varying focus exists, one specifically based on getting better whilst an ever present frustration looms at the thought of being unwell. Therefore, when dissecting the differences, the latter approach seems to only cement a state of stress combined with the physical components of feeling unwell whilst the former, provides motivation to improve in all areas of my life. The task is to recognise my outlook may shift according to my circumstances, however, my overall narrative must not diverge from progression to a debilitating incapacity.