Change

14th November 2015: Sydney, Australia

It is strange to consider a week has passed without a post added, especially considering the attention placed on writing throughout the past 18 months. I have definitely had a lot on my mind, and typically have used this platform to share my thoughts, however, it appears I have come to the position of seeing my writing as directly correlating with the need to seek support from others I connect with online. As noted, it has been extremely helpful, particularly in processing past feelings, fears and emotions, but I now feel changes are needed in my life. Consequently, meaning a change in my writing may be needed to facilitate this change. Yes, I will continue to write, however, hopefully a different focus will be evident. A focus, not saturated in despair and the questioning of every little detail of life. Rather, a more balanced blog that will lead to an evolution in my actual life 😄

Misdirect goal setting

7th November 2015: Sydney, Australia

Personal development is all about progression in any identified area in your life. Typically, the process of establishing goals is seen as an essential step towards achieving your goals. Now, bearing this in mind, I am curious as to whether my recent chain of thoughts have been misdirected. Basically, the entirety of my focus was to remain alive. If we were to break down the meaning of that goal, I think it is actually a rather harmful state of mind. It is not like I am scrapping for food, in need of shelter or avoiding danger. Really, my goals seem to reflect an underlying vulnerability. A superior approach would have been to be more specific. For instance, what do I want from my ideas/career, how do I want relationships in my life to look, what type of lifestyle am I seeking, how do I want to be progressing in my physical/emotional rehabilitation, and what do I want to be fuelling my body with. On reflection, my goals were once structured in such a way with timeframes underpinning each goal, however, I allowed myself to drift into the abyss of confusion and uncertainty. Ultimately, placing me back to a state of mind not conducive to really make the intended changes in my life.

Yes… Swim (part two)

18th October 2015: Sydney, Australia

I understand the message yesterday was a little militant, and the style may have polarise some of you, however, regardless of whether it is something you enjoy or not, there are benefits just waiting if you would accept the challenge. Admittedly, the thought of swimming laps, wading through the water or completing other exercises does not always evoke an eagerness or joy, however, the intended target of this experiment is to both psychologically challenge the mind whilst hopefully encouraging whoever is reading this to reap the health benefits associated with completing some form of movement in the water. Similar to running, or other exercise pending the interests of people, the thought of swimming can be too mundane or not something previously deemed a valuable inclusion in your weekly plan of movement. In all honesty, it is not easy, but either are the challenges in life. So, accept the challenge by jumping in the water, push through the doubt, and finally reap in the awaiting benefits.

You should swim

17th October 2015: Sydney, Australia

The content about to be delivered is entirety captured in the title. Simply, I believe swimming or some form of activity in the water should form part of your exercise routine. Just to note, I am writing this knowing some people will already click away, and maybe there is something greater occurring in the thinking behind the actions of those seconds away from deleting this post from their minds. Most notably, whether a correlation exists between the reason for clicking away and the reluctance to follow the advice provided. To state it as simply as possible, for some, I believe the thought of swimming is too hard or not something you enjoy. I must acknowledge, the only group of people excluded from the post are those with no accessibility to a pool or place to swim. To everyone else, I challenge you to commit to swimming within the next week. Obviously, if modifications need to be made, due to varying capacities, then modify as required. To the rest of you. Swim!

Goal setting

16th October 2015: Sydney, Australia

Firstly, I should note, I am writing this post without a specific population in mind, however, feel the content may resonate to those in process of achieving a particular goal. Also, prior to continuing, I must acknowledge that many similar messages are widely available on the Internet. So, obviously I am by no means claiming to be writing anything revolutionary. In contrast, the message is extremely basic, and in the most simple format, it can be introduced by sharing a comment recently directed towards me. The comment has repetitively been heard over the past 20 months, and it is typically structured in such a way that suggests I should be resting more and not over-exerting my body. Therefore, in an attempt to understand the reasoning behind the comments, I pose a number of points. Do people think comments such as the one mentioned or other similar messages directed towards you stem from:
a. Concern for your welfare?
b. Fear for the success you can achieve?
c. Jealousy of the drive and commitment had to achieving in your goal?
d. Other (please comment).

If I repeat the past, will that then become my future?

11th October 2015: Sydney Australia

The plan for improving with my physical strength was to concentrate solely in the first instance on a reintroduction of yoga and swimming. The combination of the two activities were implemented, and a degree of success was obtained, however, a question surfaced revolving around the thought of what results would be obtained by simply repeating the planning from last year? Obviously, progression was the primary focus, namely, having the capacity to once again undertake a range of calisthenic exercises. But, really, do I just want to reach a similar level to last time, or do I wish to push beyond any point achieved in the past?

The answer is simple. Obviously, I want to most definitely want to surpass any past levels of strength and fitness, and therein lies the reasoning for adding a routine of tabata into my weekly regime. Basically, tabata is a range of explosive exercises completed in a short period of time with limited breaks. It is extremely useful for anyone who considers themselves time poor. A category I do not associate with, however, being able to complete a fairly strenuous routine in 15 minutes only works in collaborating with yoga and swimming to hopefully place me in a position whereby I can achieve some of the outstanding exercise goals established last year.

Questions about the timeframes for my body to heal all

5th October 2015: Sydney, Australia

It is extremely difficult to compare the progression of my physical capacity from my first surgery to how I am after three months since my second surgery. The point was not previously registering, and only came to my attention today when a pain was felt during the completion of a fairly basic movement. Prior to this moment, I was under the false impression of believing the period of recovery was much faster.

Upon looking back at my calendar, it is evident that a period of almost four months passed till I was in the position of having the ability to properly exercise again. At present, I have been slowly adding further degrees of movement into my life, however, obstacles continue to be faced on each attempt. The surprising point about the incident today was the fact of knowing I could have completed the movement at the same amount of weeks last year. Just to note, I am not overly stressed, and know my body will heal. It is more a curiosity surrounding why my body is not making better progression, especially when other tasks have been easy to reimplement into my life. In summary, a positive can be drawn from the waiting process, namely, the motivation to start implementing my full planned routine. A routine designed to land me in a position of reaching a level of optimal health.

Does a stigma actually exist?

27th September 2015: Sydney, Australia

I constantly perceive a certain stigma is attached to my Cancer diagnosis. Just to note, I am a single 31 year old man, living downstairs at the house of my parents, and am unemployed. Honestly, you would be right in thinking I am not really the best catch in the world, especially bearing in mind other factors associated with the Cancer I was diagnosed with, namely, the fact of remaining for an unknown period of time on Chemotherapy whilst having an anticipated limited life expectancy. For anyone thinking I am in need of sympathy is incorrect. I am not naive, and understand I am unable to predict the future, however, I have confidence in both my survival and continual progression in my life. In saying that, admittedly, a sense of loss is always easy to locate, particularly when reminiscing on the possible missed opportunities in my life. The question seeming to surface from writing is more a question about my fears stemming from a sense of loss, compounded by changes to my identity. Upon recognising this point, I believe the points just mentioned trump the opening comments about the stigma of Cancer, and simply it is my fears and sense of loss feeding into false projection about the stigma attached to my circumstances.

An inseparable future for two people

18th September 2015: Sydney, Australia

I received confirmation my body is clear of any Cancer. A point to usually to celebrate, and admittedly, I am of course extremely pleased with the results, however, it does not feel like the time to be experiencing joy. Of course a focus needs to centre upon my health and wellbeing, and neglecting my own feelings will inevitably result in an imbalance within my body. It just seems so hard to be experiencing happiness knowing my mum is suffering. In saying that, I do recognise a place needs to be found whereby the emotions associated with my mum are better managed whilst also ensuring sufficient attention is placed on my personal growth and development. Furthermore, it is essential to think of the circumstances unfolding on a wider scale. No longer is it possible to solely focus on my journey as it now appears the futures of my mum and I are interconnected. Therefore, it is pivotal to support my mum in many ways, including the necessity of sharing my personal successes and strength. Ultimately, this strategy will ease her concern about my wellbeing, allowing her to focus more on herself, and importantly, will hopefully support the both of us to thrive in the future.

How Cannabis Oil will influence planning

7th September 2015: Sydney, Australia

The yoga class to be undertaken in approximately an hour will signal the progression to a new stage of my recovery. The latest addition of movement form part of a longterm plan to once again have a week consisting of activities including: surfing, swimming, yoga and calisthenic training. A point to be explored is how the use of Cannabis Oil will impact my future plans, particularly how I will be able to function when completing the nominated activities. It seems very probable for a crossover to exist between the time of finishing the course of oil and adding further movement into my life. Interestingly, the use of Cannabis Oil has taken away all fatigue previously experienced from my chemotherapy. A point never thought possible, especially bearing in mind the typical correlation Cannabis has with lethargy. Admittedly, I am not fatigued or feeling nauseous, yet, a haze exists in my thinking whilst my body becomes utterly relaxed. Therefore, questions loom in regards to whether the temporary elimination of fatigue will result in further movement or alternatively the relaxed state will negatively influence the capacity to push myself. Of course, this is all speculation, so will only time will tell in how well I adapt to the circumstances.