Change

14th November 2015: Sydney, Australia

It is strange to consider a week has passed without a post added, especially considering the attention placed on writing throughout the past 18 months. I have definitely had a lot on my mind, and typically have used this platform to share my thoughts, however, it appears I have come to the position of seeing my writing as directly correlating with the need to seek support from others I connect with online. As noted, it has been extremely helpful, particularly in processing past feelings, fears and emotions, but I now feel changes are needed in my life. Consequently, meaning a change in my writing may be needed to facilitate this change. Yes, I will continue to write, however, hopefully a different focus will be evident. A focus, not saturated in despair and the questioning of every little detail of life. Rather, a more balanced blog that will lead to an evolution in my actual life 😄

Does something greater exist?

28th October 2015: Byron Bay, New South Wales, Australia

Ill symptoms recently experienced have questioned my overall existence, and I descended into a place not frequently visited. Admittedly, the place is dark, and it is where I entertain destructive thoughts about my my life. It wasn’t till hearing a quote just moments ago that enabled me to block the destructive thoughts and instead focus completely on my long, loving life awaiting me. For those still reading, I encourage you to not see me attaching to anything to give me hope, but alternatively question whether something greater is supporting me throughout this process. It may sound weird at first, and again possibly another juncture for some to stop reading at, however, it seems the quote was heard at the very right moment to refuel my defence system.

Upon dissecting the events, an observer could simply say it was a case of listening to lyrics in a song whilst driving home. Again, I encourage those to not think of coincidences, and instead consider all the minute details forming at the exact moment to make me open to connecting with the lyrics of the song. Honestly, it has had a significant impact and will form the basis of a mental exercise to be completed to support my thinking.

The quote is “they say the darkest hour is before dawn”.

Any thoughts?

Does a degree of arrogance need to exist in my life?

6th January 2015: Sydney, Australia

I realised an underlying level of arrogance was evident in the first paragraph of my last entry, and am now starting to wonder if a level of arrogance and self-confidence is essential to approaching Cancer. I need to state that I am not at all advocating a diversion away from the other principles I promote. Rather, maybe starting to understand why people advise me a selfishness is needed within my life. Whether this has any impact on the actual outcome is definitely up for debate, however, regardless of the future awaiting me, wouldn’t the benefits of feeling positive about my circumstances outweigh negative thoughts, low self-esteem and doubt, particularly if my death was to eventuate at a premature stage?

The writing is all very doom and gloom, leading me back to question the correlation between my writing and later feelings? Therefore, I think a change is definitely needed in both my life and writing. I just hope the same attitude prevails when commecing to write next.