23rd February 2015: Sydney, Australia
The cleanup of my relationship has commenced. I am fully aware the decision was made only approximately a month ago, so doubts constantly occur whether a cleanup is too premature, particularly when a picture, song or one of the many reminders in my life leads me to a place mixed with nostalgia and a desire for the situation to be varied. It seems I romanticise on all the good times enjoyed together, with no capacity to recall any of the times we argued. Interestingly, it was the very the same incapacity when breaking up with my last girlfriend, who I must add, was the complete opposite, and was able to conjure all kinds of reasons for not being together. Obviously, the right decision was previously made right?
An expansion of the cleanup process is most probably needed. I have not gone to the extremes of burning photos and letters. Rather, making subtle changes so I am no longer getting constant memories triggered by the wide range of methods available. A point seeming more apt in the times of social media. In addition, the modifications to my lifestyle result in me actually needing to confront the stark realities of the situation, and it appears I am constantly deploying a level of restraint to target the range of temptations experienced. Frequently times occur when a message, call or just a look to see how she has been doing can be a dominant thought, and it is the application of mental exercises that have ensured such actions haven’t been followed.
The cleanup process links directly to an acceptance of the situation, and similarities in tactics can be drawn from the learning associated with thoughts relating to the tumour inside of me last year. I could easily fall into a dark headspace with my feelings, however, use of mental exercises, integration of movement into my life and other factors have helped me work to a place whereby I can process the feelings of the breakup whilst applying blockers in place that restrict me from becoming obsessive about the circumstances, and falling completely off track in my life. One final point is how evident the breakup has been in proving to be a distraction from my health concerns. Not by any means the best distraction, however, a clear shift, demonstrating the opportunity for other stories to take priority in my life. A trend I wish to continue for many years to follow.