27th October 2015: Byron Bay, New South Wales, Australia
Writers block is a rather common phrase, and I am sure it will resonate with a few who are reading this. The typical association of writers block varies to the following content as I am using the phrase to express the difficulty encountered in creating my new life story I am desperately wanting to bring to fruition.
Since last writing, obstacles have definitely surfaced, and I was stuck in a cloud of thoughts questioning the reason why there is such a fear associated with Cancer. Why is every bodily symptom linked to a questioning of whether a looming nuclear destructive being will come to fight me again? The specific chain of thought stemmed from an incredibly tough period just passed. Honestly, I went to bed on Sunday at 9pm to wake up at 7am on Tuesday. Admittedly, sporadic periods occurred whereby I got out of bed to get some fruit, however, virtually the entire 34 hours were spent in a state of utter despair, with feelings of fatigue and bodily aches consistently experienced. In keeping with the theme from the previous post, I am trying to place this ordeal in a positive frame whereby a degree of normality has once again finally been obtained, however, it takes great mental strength to keep the demons away who persist on telling me the new narrative will never be achieved.
8th November 2014: Sydney Australia
A new addition to my daily routine was mentioned briefly in the last entry prior to the diversion stemming from the rudeness about the staff at the pharmacy. In some ways, maybe the shift from topic was necessary as this very morning, the routine was not integrated into my day.
So, I have been trying to face the day with a period, always aiming for more than a few seconds whereby some gratitude, breathing exercises or affirmations are made. The timing is of essence. Initially, I was able to dedicate more time and concentration to this task, and as the months passed I felt a wondering mind was more often taking centre stage. Some thinking had been directed to this area of my life over the previous weeks, and on some days I was able to enter both a peaceful and alert state rather than a mind meandering like a dog on a leash walking in familiar territory. How was I to combat this? Well, attempting to complete this task in the warmth of bed where I have just had 8 hours of blissful sleep was probably not the idea location. It was decided a change in location was needed plus the task should commence immediately upon waking opposed to allowing a myriad of thoughts to circulate throughout my thinking.
At this point, some background information should have portray the intended message, and it derives from the learning undertaking during a four day spiritual retreat in July. The main point taken form the retreat was a reinforcement of my personal belief in both my mind and body being the force of change and creation, rather than an external greater power. Therefore, bearing this in mind, I felt a level of movement was needed to be incorporated into the daily routine, and consequently the plan was to get out of bed, taking to the yoga mat to hold a certain pose (sleeping baby). Expectedly for the level of my flexibility, it was not possible for my forehead to rest on the floor upon waking up in the morning. Completion of this required a process whereby my thoughts were consciously directed internally to the areas of my body relaxing and stretching to fulfil the intention to reach a peaceful state to commence the day. I found the process of focusing on each part of body unlocking kept me in a conscious state where my mind didn’t wander. In addition, a recognisable difference was noticed from starting to the finishing the exercise. It it highly likely that reference to a measurement is not a factor that should be discussed in this context, however, it assisted in my goal of completing affirmations whilst also symbolising the nature of change, i.e. is gradual, and not an easy process. I am displeased in not continuing the routine, so have considered use of another timeframe to really give myself the opportunity to gauge my capacity at introducing the task into my daily routine.