15th September 2015: Sydney, Australia
I have just seen off my mum at the hospital, and honestly more tears have been shed over the past two days in comparison to the entirety of my experience with Cancer. The feelings attached to the circumstances unfolding for my mum highlight the point covered yesterday regarding the impact Cancer (or any illness/disability) can have on the loved ones of an individual.
Ironically, the experience with my mum has provided a renewed thirst for life. I can understand the absurdity in the above statement, so an explanation will be detailed. Firstly, I must say a level of guilt is felt surrounding the predicament my mum now faces, and I see this stemming from the stressors I am responsible for. The stressors started during my teen years with a range of adolescent behaviours, however, the climax was approximately 20 months ago when I informed my parents I had a tumour growing inside of me. From the point of that initial phone call, I know my mum has constantly worried about me. It is this worry and concern that gives me drive. Of course I am upset, and will continue to shed more tears over the coming weeks, however, I am determined to make her happy in the future whilst supporting her get to a place whereby she sees me living a fulfilling life with a loving and beautiful family of my own. Yes, again the hopeless romantic in me is on display, and in conclusion, I believe the power of love is needed to replace the cloud of worry and concern strangling my family at present.