What happens when your Cancer returns

26th May 2015: Sydney Australia

It is official. Unfortunately, the rematch, i.e. My fight against Cancer is set to recommence. A meeting was attended with my brother, dad and mum today whereby all the available information was shared, and a plan of action was set. The MRI scan shows a tumour has regrown in the same spot as last year, and failure to do anything would result in my death. Therefore, the plan is to have surgery followed by a course of radiotherapy. It seems harder this time, however, a drive to succeed seems stronger. In addition, an overwhelming feeling of anger being experienced is hard to place. I still feel the situation is somewhat surreal as only yesterday morning I was training in the park, and now I am faced with reality of having Cancer again.

The anger felt seems to connect with an ever feeling of loss correlating with my future options. For example, questions posed to myself relating to whether I will have kids or if employment again features in my future story. It just seems my whole plans have been turned upside down, and the only way I can conceptualise the situation is by seeing it as another test of my character, strength and will. Undoubtedly, I am upset and afraid, and the continuous stream of tears is a clear example of the impact it is having on me.

I would say one of the many lessons learned is the realisation of how crying greatly assists my capacity at managing my feelings. Similar to past occasions, certain pieces of information bring the tears flowing, and today they poured when hearing it is very unlikely of me living to a ripe old age of anything else but the disease I have. Some may think the comments are too severe, however, I disagree, and am thankful for the way the information is provided. It has always cemented the reality of the circumstances whilst also acting in some strange way as a source of belief. Honestly, with everything to be faced, I know there are going to be very some extremely difficult times ahead, however, ultimately, I do believe in my survival and capacity in finally claiming victory.

A reoccurrence of Cancer

25th May 2015: Sydney Australia

It seems the scene has been established for a rematch. The opponent once again facing me in the ring, appears to be my now arch nemesis who wants a second attempt after the hiding I handed out last year. The stakes are different though, with my opponent not having the weight compared to last time. Another positive note is the assurance knowing my supporters are once again already supporting me, an important factor considering my eyes have already overflown when both hearing and processing the news.

I was only informed of the fight about two hours ago by my manager, who as always is in my corner ready for action. In preparation, he has cleared his schedule tomorrow to talk tactics. Regardless of the outcome, I will still be going to my training camp in Indonesia. Albeit, for a shorter time. Upon my return, I will face the opponent in the ring. Even though I am confident, it would be very pleasing to discover the opponent is in fact an amateur rather than a heavyweight who does not wish to take the matter any further. Either way, I will physically, emotionally and mentally prepare for whatever awaits me.