Why is my writing so saturated in negativity?

29th January 2014: Sydney Australia

From the very beginning of this entry, an underlying theme of positivity should be splattered for all to see. The reasoning stems from the confirmation received reinforcing the belief already held about my health and well-being. In addition, I was advised my doctor could not see my overall prognosis in a situation better than my current presentation, especially when a year ago I was sitting in the very same seat with any number of negative outcomes very probable. Therefore, one would expect an overwhelming sense of relief to be almost bleeding from the entry. Instead, I write with a scorn and grimace plastered across my face.

Firstly, I had a very poor start to the morning resulting from a terrible night sleep. Secondly, the weather has been awful, another driving factor wanting me to get out of here once the temperature drops on a permanent basis. Thirdly, an argument over messages was had with my girlfriend. An event I must add is seemingly occurring too frequently, and finally, I am currently writing with my knee resting in an elevated position wrapped in ice. Above any of the previously mentioned, the latter point is the root cause of the horrid mood pulsating throughout my body. I am hoping nothing serious has occurred, and do believe I am placing over emphasis on the matter, however, the reality of the an outcome should I have damaged my knee is currently unbearable. Tears almost started draining from my eyes as I was washing around the water after my knee gave way whilst riding a wave this morning. A massive crack caused alarm bells to ring in my mind, and immediately, I became worried. I started repeating positive affirmations to settle my thoughts, and once arrived on the shore was able to do complete some simple exercises so am simply using the ice as a precaution. I did have a battle in my mind for a moment about fitting in some yoga, however, reason prevailed, and I will be resting for the day. In all honesty, I am tempted to take some pain medication to just switch off from everything for a while, however, my mind has returned to the topic previously discussed about isolation versus solitude, and in this case it would be a clear example of isolating myself. Therefore, reason has once more prevailed, and I am able to identify the thinking pattern is destructive, leading me stay away from self medicating and instead opt to read, complete some meditation and sleep naturally.

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