27th December 2014: Sydney
Christmas is behind us till next year. An overview would show a fabulous time was had with lots of laughs by the entire family with a playfulness between my dad and two brothers reminiscing my early adolescence. The two days are clear examples of the obscurity in my thinking, namely, due to emphasis in my thinking about what was missing over the period compared to previous years whilst also being able to state the additions enjoyed. Consequently, the mixture of feelings demonstrate how simultaneously I am placed in a position of joy whilst also feeling a degree of loss or difference.
Various examples could be drawn upon throughout the Christmas period to further explain this thought process, however, attention to the broad term term of lifestyle will provide a platform for discussion. The aspects associated with lifestyle include alcohol consumption, energy levels and participation in family activity. Topics not dissimilar to content covered in previous entries. In some ways, a really pleasant feeling was experienced upon waking up without the effects of alcohol being present. The same could be said of the ease I felt at just enjoying the company of my family whilst not having the need to share a drink with any of my family members. In contrast, a level connection seems to emerge from the social context whereby alcohol is enjoyed with others. Therefore, it was hard not to notice the difference that occurred in my social interactions, eliciting a sense of loss or disengagement from the environment so familiar to me.
The main point from all these thoughts is when, or better yet will I ever again live out my past days, and if the time comes when I am not on chemotherapy nor feeling fatigued, will I return to my past behaviours or will have the shifts become permanent that no longer any loss is experienced?