6th September 2014: London, United Kingdom
I had a moment over the weekend when everything felt like it needed to change. The weather, noise, lifestyle, diet, everything, just needed immediate changing. It was again an example of the re-occurring mental component of living with Cancer. A description brought to life by conjuring thoughts about an intangible, masked and powerful being, with the capacity of penetrating my thinking from any number of triggers in the surrounding environment. On this occasion it was London. It was my life. My money.
A solution was found in a matter of minutes. It may appear narrow, involving the the mental creation of a change in destination to a sun-ridden place requiring little money, had warm water, quality waves, no noise, and limited people around me. In hindsight, I was seeking a place providing the opportunity to relive the nostalgic memories from the travels of my early twenties. A place with the sense of freedom allowing me to continue writing on a daily basis, a place where I can surf and do yoga in the sun, a place to eat healthy food, and a place where the internet is not accessed by a swipe of the finger. In summary, it’s just a dream, most likely not the same dream for everyone but nevertheless a dream, and hopefully everyone has a dream, be it the person working 11 hour days without a lunch break, the carer responding to the complex needs of their loved one or the person reading this whilst thinking of a life without cancer.
The sensation building of creating the dream a reality convinced me I had found an answer. A google search soon started to eat away at some of the dream and I started to ask myself, was escaping the situation a necessity? Was everything actually as severe as I has gotten myself worked up about or was it just my mind again tempting me to flirt with a feeling of misery, resulting from the uncertainty awaiting me over the coming months/years?